I don't Want You To Be Alone
by queensail
Summary: Dean and Cas have just finished up a case. Cas, as he often does, feels isolated from his closest friend. Needless to say, Dean puts his mind at ease. Destiel.
1. Chapter 1

It had been a long night.

Dean and Cas climbed, battered, bruised, bloody, and broken in through their motel room door. Sam had been very badly injured and fell unconscious in the car before Cas could heal him. Neither Cas nor Dean wanted to carry Sam in, they also thought sleep would do him some good, so they left him sleeping in the backseat of the Impala. Dean sat down on his bed, the nasty gash on his arm stinging, his blood still leaking from the flaps of skin on either side.

(I hate witches.) Dean grumbled inwardly.

This one in particular had been very hard to gank. The witch masquerading as an innocent housewife had employed her entire set of kitchen cutlery against the hunters and the angel.

(Stupid woman could hardly hit us, even when she was using her spells.) Dean smirked triumphantly.

Cas sat down next to Dean, his light blue eyes showing his concern. He lifted Dean's arm up gingerly and moment later all the pain was erased and the feculent wound had been returned to clear, smooth skin.

"Thanks"

"You're welcome Dean."

"I'm just happy that we stopped her." Dean sighed. "That bitch was just a couple fries short of a happy meal."

(I certainly don't feel satisfied.) Reflected Cas. (We just killed a woman, even if she did deserve it.)

Cas reached up over Dean's bed and switched off the old motel lamp hanging on the poorly wallpapered plaster.

The angel stood in the darkness, a wave of sudden, inescapable loneliness crashed over him. He was used to the feeling however, it happened pretty often.

He strode over to the moldering old armchair in the corner, taking care not to step on the boy's bags or the disgusting looking, suspiciously blood colored stain on the decades old carpet.

The angel sat down, the chair letting out a world weary sigh. Cas sighed too, unable to shake the horrible feeling of isolation.

Dean's breathing was slow, heavy, and relaxed, keeping a soothing rhythm. Cas' breaths sounded dissonant, jarringly loud, and out of sync with his sleeping friend's.

(That witch died alone.) Cas thought.

(No one cared about her...

Maybe that's why she killed those people...)

"No one understands me!" She had shrieked in explanation for the murders she had committed as she attempted to run the Winchesters through with her kitchen knives. "They just didn't get it!"

(No one understood her. She was different...

No one understands ME.) Cas thought.

(NO ONE.

Not even the man sleeping peacefully within 5 feet of him?

Sitting here isn't making me feel much better.) Cas concluded.

The angel lifted himself up out of the chair, his blue eyes downturned, he wrapped his vessel's arms around himself.

(Too close to humans to be a real angel and too unnatural to be quite human.) He reflected.

Dean's dark outline rose and fell with his breathing. Cas walked over to him, he didn't want to be lonely anymore. The isolated angle wanted to be close to someone.

Cas slid down into the too-small-for-two-grown-men bed and without even thinking, as though in some sort of trance, leaned in close to Dean. He could feel the hunter's warmth and wrapped his arms around him. Cas had always liked being close to Dean, but the other man had often reprimanded him for doing so.

He fervently hoped that Dean won't be mad about him being in his personal space. He just wanted to be close to him.

(I hope Dean understands.)

In his sleep Dean grunted and turned to face the angle. Cas, taking this as a sign that the other man didn't mind their closeness, fell asleep with his arms wrapped around the still slightly sweaty hunter.


	2. Chapter 2

The purple darkness of very early morning cast a soporific glow through the room, a street lamp outside the window providing some level of visibility.

Dean opened his eyes, blinked once, then let out a sound that could only be described as a shriek.

"CAS! What the hell are you doing?!"

Cas' eyes peeled open, he smiled slightly as he looked up at Dean who was now quickly pulling his arms out from around the angles' torso.

"Hello Dean."

"Cas what the hell-" Dean spluttered and attempted to stand up.

He fell out of bed.

Cas, worry lines creased onto his forehead, climbed out of the warm sheets he had not moments ago shared with Dean.

Did I do something wrong? Cas' contentment is quickly draining away.

"Not cool man, not cool."

(I upset him!)

"Dean I wasn't trying to do anything! I am sorry! I just wanted to lay down to sleep... I'm sorry, if I had known it would bother you this much I -"

"No-shut up Cas." Dean grumbled, shaking his head then rubbing his arm sheepishly. The angle's sad wide eyes, slumped shoulders and hasty apology had instantly made the hunter feel guilty about about yelling at him. "I'm the one who should be sorry, I yelled at you for no good reason." Cas still seemed upset.

"Cas?" asked Dean, picking himself off the ground and sitting back down on the bed "Dude, are you OK?"

"Dean?" Asked Cas in his husky, bemused voice, as though he hadn't heard a single word the other man had said.

"Yea Cas?" The confused hunter gazed down at the angle still sitting on the ground below.

The angle wasn't even looking at Dean, instead he seemed overly interesting in picking at the carpet to look up. The hunter, however strongly opposed to 'chick-flick moments', felt the need to comfort his friend.

He leaned down and placed his hand on the other man's. A split second later Dean withdrew it, as though he had been burned, only girls held hands. Holding Cas' hand just felt awkward.

(Crap. That probably just upset Cas even more.)

"I-I just feel so... so lonely sometimes." Mumbled Cas. "I feel like I don't belong."

"Uhhhhh..."

(Crap.)

The hunter scratched his head. He had absolutely no experience with dealing with other people's feelings, after all he could hardly deal with his own. What was he supposed to do? Give Cas a hug? Bake him cupcakes? Let him drink an entire bottle of whiskey?

"Uhh- I'm sorry you feel that way Cas." Dean squinted down at the man slouched on the floor.

"It's OK Dean." Replied the angel, still looking down. "I don't think anyone can understand."

(No one understands... If only I could explain how I feel to Dean...)

Cas' words had made Dean upset. He sat back down on the floor against the bed next to his friend. Green eyes meeting blue ones.


	3. Chapter 3

A millisecond after their eyes met Dean looked away. He was FAR too sober for this conversation.

"Are emotions always this confusing?" Cas turned his head slightly towards his friend's. "Do all emotions hurt so bad?" Cas' gruff voice was feckless and low.

(But being with you, Dean makes me feel better...

Can Dean understand?)

"Yea. I know the feeling, believe me Cas."

(Poor Cas. Feeling lonely blows.)

A hazy memory drifted into Dean's mind. He remembered his mother wrapping her arms around him, her blonde, nice smelling, wavy hair swinging in his face. The mere memory of the hug made Dean feel happy.

Dean reached his muscular arm around the angle sitting next to him.

The semi-embrace felt nice to Cas.

"Thank you Dean."

The awkwardness was almost tangible, but somehow Dean kept his arm around the other man's shoulders and, almost imperceptibly, Cas leaned his head against his friends shoulder, the one still bearing his handprint, one corner of his mouth turned slightly up.

(Dean you always make me feel so much better.)

Dean was caught off guard by Cas leaning into him. But after a moment he decided that he didn't mind so much and instead pressed his head against Cas'.

(I hope Samy doesn't walk in, this is just too weird.)

They both leaned in closer.

Cas' face a hair's breadth away from the hunter's neck, he could feel the man's pulse through his lips.

(This definitely isn't something normal human friends do.) Cas speculated, not overly concerned.

Dean pressed his face into Cas' hair.

(Hair like dark, thick feathers.) Thought Dean.

Cas felt an inexplicable desire to touch Dean's neck with his lips. He wanted to feel the hunter's heart beat against his mouth.

Dean's hand, still clasped around Cas' shoulder, twitched. He desperately wanted to run his hands through the angel's soft hair.


	4. Chapter 4

There the two men sat. Attempting to control themselves. Never the less Dean's hand crept up towards Cas' hair and Cas' lips edged closer to Dean's neck. Each man so caught up in trying to control himself that they didn't notice what the other was doing.

What are you thinking?! Dean asked himself. You're straight and Cas is your friend. What the hell do you think you are doing?!

(Will it upset Dean if I kiss his neck? We are friends... friends aren't supposed to kiss each other right? But what if...)

(How did this even happen?!)

Cas' will broke. He pressed his slightly chapped lips to Dean's jugular. He liked it.

Dean pulled back.

(Why did I pull away?)

(Why did I have to kiss him? I upset him.)

Cas just didn't understand. Dean had gone much much further with women whom he had only just met, why was it not OK for them to kiss? Was it because they were just friends?

Or did Dean simply not want to be with him?

The angel felt more isolated and nonplussed than ever. He just wanted to be close to Dean.

"Cas" Dean said hoarsely.

"No, I'm' sorry Dean. That was... inappropriate." Cas' voice was stiff and sad and already withdrawn.

"No Cas really I just-"

Cas began to get up. His heavy heart aching.

(If only I could tell Dean how I felt.)

(Do I really feel that way about Cas?)

The hunter had no idea what to think.

On impulse he grasped the sleeve of the worn light brown trench coat to stop the forlorn angel from leaving. He sat back down slowly next to Dean.

"I don't want to be lonely" Cas muttered. His eyes were resolutely looking anywhere but Dean's face.

(I hope Dean understands.)

"I don't want you to be alone." Dean for some reason reached out and placed his hand under the other man's chin, forcing him to look into his eyes.

(Cas, I have always cared about you.)

Slowly Dean's hand slid down the angels' throat, his fingers curled around the loose blue tie wrapped around his neck. The hunter tugged the tie forward. Cas leaned in closer to Dean obligingly.

(Thank you Dean.)

(Don't feel lonely Cas. You're never alone.)

They kissed.


	5. Chapter 5

Dean was dumbfounded. He was kissing Cas! And enjoying it.

Cas was very pleased. With himself, with Dean's kiss, and with how he was feeling. The hunter made him feel safe. Dean made Cas' loneliness go away. The angel smiled around the slow kiss.

(Maybe some human feelings are good...) Mused the angel.

Dean's hand glided behind and around Cas' neck. He gripped the angel's hair and kissed the angel harder.

The oldest Winchester was going through the motions, remembering the multitude of girls he had kissed before.

But this was Cas. This was different.

The hunter couldn't remember the last time he had had actual feelings for someone and not just a desire to get laid.

(Wait, wait, wait. Do I even have feelings for Cas?)

Oddly enough, the hunter couldn't bring himself to focus on the question- or anything for that matter.

Cas kissed Dean harder. The hunter responded with enthusiasm.

(I guess the personal space rule gos out the window.) Cas laughed inwardly.

There they stayed. Kissing on the the discolored carpet of the Blue Owl Motel. Arms and sheets tangled around each other.

When the sun came up, the hunter and the angel reluctantly stopped kissing. The both were content and, when they broke apart, sheepishly grinning at one another.

When Sam woke and asked them why they both seemed so tired, the two just shrugged, and when Sam's back was turned, they glanced at one another, smirking.

This would be their little secret for the time being, they would just have to see where these new found feelings took them.


End file.
